Guardian Angel
by Samantha Novak
Summary: A collection of loosely related one-shots featuring various hurt!Sam scenarios (seizures, allergies, etc) with Castiel caring for him. May become a longer, more connected story if I get enough ideas for it. Individual chapter summaries inside.


**Chapter summary:** Season 7 AU. Seizure Sam, protective Castiel - When the brothers explained that Sam had seizures and that Dean wanted Castiel to look after Sam, the angel had hoped he wouldn't have to watch Sam suffer. But of course, nothing ever went how they wanted. So Castiel takes care of Sam through a seizure while Dean is out.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Blame this one on the wonderful Marianna Morgan. XD I've been reading so many of her fics that I just_ had _to write my own like it. Anyway, if timeline of some things doesn't fit where they should, I just don't care anymore... I always have trouble with the Leviathan timeline and Sam's wall and hallucinations, and I spent nearly a full day of off-and-on attempted writing trying to sort out the specifics and ended up with a headache. It's AU-ish anyway, so... If it wasn't, I'd have tried harder to make it fit in properly with canon events because I'm OCD that way, but it's not completely canon so in the interest of_ finishing _,_ _I just decided to leave it as is._

 _Also, I don't have epilepsy but a friend of mine does and he's explained what it feels like for him and his sister has told me what it's like to see when it happens to him and I've done research in addition to reading other seizure!Sam fics. So I hope I'm mostly accurate._

* * *

"Dean, I'll be fine," Sam said for what felt like the thousandth time in the last ten minutes.

Dean fingered the edge of his leather jacket draped over a chair, caught between leaving it to just stay in or actually putting it on to go out. "You sure, Sammy?" he asked in a voice laced with concern. "What if you see something? Or..."

Sam sighed, knowing what Dean was afraid of; he was worried about it, too. Ever since the wall fell, Sam had been having hallucinations of Lucifer who would taunt him about what the fallen archangel had done to Sam in the cage, convince him that Sam was crazy, and ensure that Sam felt like complete shit by making Sam believe that everything would be better if Sam just killed himself. The hunter had come close to doing just that several times. He bore scars across his wrists from suicide attempts Dean had saved him from.

And now, it wasn't just Lucifer Sam thought he saw. Sam would see or hear or feel things that weren't there. From icy fingers down his back to very random things that have nothing to do with Hell; like the time he thought he'd seen a caramel colored Yorkie in a pink sweatshirt following Dean around the motel all morning. Whenever Sam thought he saw something that wasn't real, he'd take cues from Dean first. If Dean acknowledged whatever was bothering Sam, he'd know he wasn't crazy. If Dean _didn't_ provide any clarity, he'd close his eyes for several moments, sometimes muttering "It's not real" repeatedly, before reopening his eyes. Usually, what he perceived as unreal was gone. Sometimes it wasn't. That's when he started to panic.

The other thing Sam knew Dean was worried about when leaving Sam alone was his seizures. Sam was usually never aware of them when they happened though he sometimes knew when one was coming. The only time he'd been slightly aware of was the first one just after the wall broke when they finished the case he and Samuel had started. Dean had thought – and hoped – that would be the only one. When it became clear Sam suffered from them on a daily basis, Dean began researching (he'd tried to ignore the irony in that) epilepsy because that was the closest he was going to get to whatever the fuck was happening to Sam, and he realized that a lot of descriptions fit. He also found that Sam had a few different types of seizures based on the descriptions he found. So, he taught himself terms and memorized signs and procedures, and was pretty damn proud of himself for it, too. Sam was always grateful for Dean's patience and care when they happened.

And, of course, since this was Hell created and not a real medical condition no matter how similar, medication would do no good even if Dean wished like hell it could help. Because sometimes, Sam would have multiple seizures a day. They were never back-to-back, thankfully, and Sam would sleep for hours after one of them, utterly exhausted. But when their only income was credit card scams and they never had insurance, any medication stronger than cold medicine was a no-go anyway.

"Sammy?" Dean called, pulling Sam from his thoughts. When the younger Winchester blinked back into focus, he was surprised to find Dean had crossed over to him and was gently waving a hand in front of his eyes, the other holding his shoulder. His expression remained calm despite how worried Sam knew he was. "Hey. You with me?" he asked like always after Sam had a seizure to test his lucidity.

"Yeah, sorry," Sam said with a sheepish smile as Dean dropped his hand from his face. "I was just thinking."

"Don't do that," Dean growled, worry quickly giving way to anger. "You stopped responding and spaced out, and I automatically assumed you had an absence seizure."

"Dean," Sam sighed, intending to switch back to their original topic. He resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration; that was one of the things he unconsciously did before a seizure and he didn't need Dean assuming and starting to worry again. "I'll be fine. I know how to keep myself safe if I feel one coming."

"But you don't always _feel_ it," Dean snapped. "Sometimes you just _drop_." He added a snap of his fingers for extra emphasis. "What if you're in the bathroom and you fall and bang your head on the tub or toilet? Or repeatedly bang it on the tile during? I'd feel better if you came with me so you weren't alone."

"No," Sam snapped, a bitch face already forming, nostrils flaring. When flared nostrils accompanied a bitch face, Dean knew Sam was getting really pissed. "What if I do go with you and I have one in public? I hate being stared at..."

"You can't hide away inside forever just so no one will see you seize," Dean countered, raising a brow to add a silent "Really? _That's_ your solution?"

"I'm not _hiding_ ," Sam huffed. "I go out when we have to. But you're only going to get dinner which should only take a half an hour max. I'll be fine on my own that long." He held up his hand as Dean opened his mouth to continue arguing. "But if you're going to insist that you don't want to leave me alone, why don't you call Cas to come hang out? He can help me research."

"Cas?" Dean snorted. "Cas doesn't know what to do if something happens. Just come with me." Dean ignored the faint whine to his tone; Dean Winchester didn't _whine_.

"So take a few minutes before you go to explain what to do," Sam countered. If Dean wouldn't see that he'd be fine alone for a half an hour, he'd just have to assure him that he'd be fine with the angel looking after him. He'd rather hang out with Castiel than sit alone anyway.

After a moment's hesitation, Dean sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, tousling it even more. "Fine," he grumbled. "Call 'im." He couldn't believe he was going to trust anyone else to look after Sam. _He_ was the best person to look after his baby brother.

Sam cleared his throat then glanced to the ceiling as if it would help the angel hear him better. "Hey, uh, Cas? Can you come see us? We, uh, want to talk to you about something."

After a few moments of silence, the angel appeared nearby, accompanied by the sound of ruffling wings. "Hello, Dean. Sam," he added with a nod to the younger Winchester.

"Hey, Cas," Sam said.

Dean stepped up to the angel and put on his best big brother face, crossing his arms. He'd learned the same treatment worked on clueless angels; always got Castiel to listen. "Listen, Cas. It's time you knew about something about Sam. Because I need to go out and I don't want to leave him alone. So you have to make sure nothing happens."

"Of course, Dean. I can protect Sam against anything that should attack," he promised.

"No, that's not what I mean," Dean said, trying not to get frustrated. Castiel was a soldier; of course he only thought about physical protection. "This is something you _can't_ see. It'll happen – if it's going to happen – and there's nothing you can do to stop it. But you can keep Sam safe until it goes away."

"I don't understand," Castiel said, brows crinkling. "If I can't stop it from happening, what am I supposed to do?"

"Dean," Sam warned. "Just tell him. Or you'll just end up confusing him."

"Fine," Dean muttered before explaining to the angel. "Sam gets seizures. Because you knocked down that damn wall," he growled.

"Dean," Sam snapped, glaring at his brother. "Not the time. He can help now."

The angel glanced between the two of them, very confused by now. "How?"

"It left scar tissue across part of his brain, and it triggers seizures now," Dean said before waving a hand. "Anyway, what you need to know is the types Sam might have and what to do if he does." At Castiel's nod, Dean continued, moving toward Sam who sat on one of the two beds in the room. "Sam gets three different kinds so it's best to know which is which and what to do. First, there's the simple partial. Sam is generally aware during those. Only part of him will seize; for him, it's generally one of his arms." He paused to gauge whether the angel understood. Castiel nodded so he continued. "He's only got one warning sign for that one; his words will start to slur before he begins to twitch. Then it will intensify to full seizing. If he's holding anything when it starts, take it away. It should only last a couple minutes then he'll be alright. You got that?"

Castiel nodded but Dean gave him a look that clearly said he wanted the angel to repeat it. "Simple partial." The words felt unfamiliar on his tongue but he continued. "Sam's words will slur so I should take anything he is holding. He will twitch then it will become full seizing but only part of him. It should only last a couple minutes then he will be fine."

Dean nodded then glanced at Sam. "Anything you want to add to this one?" he asked, wanting Sam, as the one that goes through them, to feel comfortable with what Castiel knew.

"Even though it's only part of me, it's best if you have an arm around me or I still might fall over," Sam explained. "I usually feel these coming on so I'll sit down before it happens if I'm not already."

Castiel nodded in understanding then glanced at Dean. "I can do that."

"Good," Dean said. "Next is the absence seizure. He won't shake at all so you don't have to really hold onto him. Basically, he's zoned out and unaware of anything. I usually call his name a few times, and when I see him starting to react, I ask if he's with me to see when he's aware. Once you can get him to talk to you, you know he's back. I generally try to get a verbal assurance that he's with me again." He glanced at Sam again to see if there was anything he needed to add but Sam shrugged. What Dean had said was enough.

Castiel nodded then automatically repeated for him. "Absence seizure; Sam will be unaware of anything but won't shake. Call his name and be sure he is aware of his surroundings. Get a verbal assurance."

Dean nodded with a smile, feeling a bit better about leaving Sam with Castiel. "Good. You're easier to teach than I thought. Okay, last is the biggest. Grand mals. This is where his whole body will shake and lasts several minutes. But if it lasts five or more, call an ambulance. Do _not_ move him to take him yourself," he warned with a glare then realized he should probably explain from the beginning when the angel simply gave him a confused look. "The warning signs for this one if he feels it happening are when he pinches his nose like this" - he pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut for a second; this earned him a mildly irritated swat from his brother - "then he'll blink a lot."

"That's because I get what are called auras," Sam explained. "It's spots in my vision that kind of alert me that one is coming on. But sometimes, I don't feel it happening so I won't do any of that. That's when I'll just drop into the shaking."

Dean nodded with a frown, hating when that happened. If Sam was going to have a grand mal, he preferred the warning so he could get Sam lying down in a clear space with a pillow to prevent as many injuries as possible. "Either way, when the grand mal happens, lay him down on the bed or floor with a pillow under his head so he doesn't bang it on the floor. On his side and slightly tilted forward."

"That's actually the recovery position as well," Sam interjected. "It keeps me from choking on drool or anything while I seize because on my side, it'll drain itself."

Dean nodded in agreement before continuing to explain. "Don't be too alarmed if it sounds like he can't breathe; that's normal, and it'll return when he comes out of it. Don't try to hold him down," he added in that same warning tone he'd told used to tell the angel not to move Sam. "Just keep the area around him clear and he'll be fine enough. So once it stops, he's already in the right position. That's when you check his lucidity though it's normal for him to take up to twenty minutes before he's fully himself again."

At Dean's silence, Castiel realized that was all and he was supposed to repeat that he understood. "Grand mals-"

"No, just one is 'grand mal'," Dean interrupted. "'Grand mals' is more than one."

Castiel nodded before continuing. "Grand mal. If he feels it coming, he'll pinch his nose and blink a lot because of auras. Then he'll start to shake. I have to lay him on the floor with a pillow and clear the area around him but I can't hold him down. It should stop in under five minutes but if it gets to five, call an ambulance and do not move him myself. When it stops, gauge his lucidity though it may take twenty minutes."

Sam nodded, satisfied with what Castiel had learned. But he still didn't think he'd even have any seizures while Dean was gone. "I think that's good," he said, smiling softly at Dean.

"Alright then," Dean said with finality as he stood and snatched his jacket off the chair. While he'd always worry about Sam whenever he was away from his little brother, he felt strangely comforted that Castiel would be around when he wasn't. "I'll be back in a half an hour with food. Cas, you want anything?" he asked. Despite being angry at the angel for hurting Sam by destroying the wall, he supposed he owed the angel for taking care of his brother for him.

"I don't eat," Castiel said in that almost condescending tone that said "You know that."

"Yeah. Right," Dean said, choosing not to pursue the topic further, and exited the motel room.

Once he was gone, Castiel's attention fully turned to Sam and he narrowed his eyes as if watching him closely; as if just _waiting_ for a seizure to begin. The hunter raised a brow and shifted awkwardly under his gaze, a hand coming to push back his hair. He didn't like people _staring_ at him – even if they meant well like Castiel. It made him feel like a freak because of his seizures.

"Uh, Cas," he said, slowly standing and offering an uneasy half smile. "You don't have to _watch_ me like that. I was kinda hoping you could help me translate some of the Ennochian in this spell I found while you were here," he said a bit more casually. Once he could get the angel refocused and no longer _staring_ ,he'd feel a bit more like himself...

"Oh. My apologies," the angel said in a tone that didn't sound very apologetic. It sounded more as if Castiel had said it simply because he knew it would be the proper response rather than because he felt it. He moved toward the table where he saw Sam's books and laptop sitting and peered at the book Sam had open at the spell he'd been trying to translate.

Sam moved to sit in front of his laptop and turned it toward the angel. "This is the closest I can get," he explained.

As the two worked in silence, Castiel couldn't help glancing at Sam every now and then. Before long, he was focusing more on Sam than the Ennochian in front of him, openly staring at the hunter. Sam began to flush slightly as he felt the angel's gaze on him. He nervously brushed his hair back behind an ear as it fell forward then glanced at Castiel. Having him stare at him made him feel just as self-conscious as he'd felt earlier when Castiel had stared at him as if waiting for him to seize. But at the same time, it wasn't intense concentration Sam saw in the angel's gaze; there was a seriousness like he had something he really wanted to say. Just as Sam opened his mouth to ask what Castiel was staring at him for, the angel spoke first.

"Sam," he said, brows pulling together thoughtfully. Sometimes, Castiel said things without thinking – insensitive things, rude things, things out of context because he didn't know what they meant. And other times, he chose his words carefully as if trying hard _not_ to be insensitive or use something out of context or as if once he said them, he could never get them back. "I want you to know that I think of you as my friend, too. Even though Dean and I have a bond, I care about you, too," he said firmly, almost pleading Sam to understand.

Sam stared at him thoughtfully, head tilted. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? "Cas, I know I'm not your favorite, but-"

"Sam," the angel said firmly. He wanted Sam to understand and felt like he was being brushed off. "You treat me like a person and not like a child. You don't call me names or make fun of me for not understanding. You actually _explain_ everything to me correctly so I understand it."

"Even if you like me just as much, you're Dean's angel," Sam said calmly though with a melancholy tone. He was the younger brother watching as his older sibling got something special. He wasn't _jealous_ , exactly; just felt left out.

"No," Castiel said firmly, locking eyes with Sam. "I do not _belong_ to Dean. I was _told_ to look after him and do what he tells me to. I _choose_ to look after you as well, Sam. I care about you, too. And I am sorry for what I did to you," he adds softly, averting his gaze. Suddenly, he couldn't meet Sam's eyes. "I broke your wall for my own gain and it hurt you. And I'm truly sorry for _ever_ hurting you."

Speechless, Sam could only stare at Castiel for a few moments. He believed Castiel was really sorry for what he'd done; there was just something in the angel's gaze and the way he couldn't look at Sam. Sam knew he was truly ashamed of hurting him and realized how much Castiel cared for him. Even if the angel didn't know how to show it at times. "Cas," he said softly, shifting in his seat closer to the angel. Then he was suddenly unsure what to say. Castiel's outburst seemed so heartfelt and genuine; the angel was truly sorry and Sam could tell he did truly feel bad for hurting him.

But did Sam forgive him? Because of Castiel, he his brain was scarred and he had to endure supernaturally induced seizures and hallucinations and doubted almost anything at any time. He'd sometimes seize multiple times a day and he felt exhausted afterward; it made planning anything for that day hard or nearly impossible at times. Then again, there were some days where all he went through would be hallucinations of Lucifer bothering him which he was learning to deal with, and when he did seize, he had Dean to care for him. Dean never let him get hurt and if it happened in public and Sam could feel it beforehand, his big brother would always at least try to get away and somewhere private to save Sam from embarrassment.

"Cas," he tried again, pausing for a moment. When the angel didn't look at him, he reached out to gently turn the angel's gaze back to him, fingertips resting lightly on Castiel's cheek. Surprise registered in the angel's light blue eyes as they locked on Sam's but he didn't pull away. Sam didn't remove his hand, instead flattening his fingers to rest his palm against the angel's soft, slightly stubbled skin. "I know you're sorry – really, I do. You weren't yourself and you learned your lesson. And I'm learning to deal with... everything," he said, the word encompassing all that came from the wall breaking: the hallucinations, the seizures. "I'm okay. Don't beat yourself up."

The brightest smile Sam had ever seen spread across the angel's face. Relief and peace flashed through his eyes and the usually stoic and stiff angel relaxed into Sam's touch. The hunter could even _see_ his shoulder's fall back as the tension melted away. "Thank you, Sam," Castiel said. "It really means a lot to me to be forgiven. But I will still do my best to make it up to you." As Sam opened his mouth to speak – to protest, Castiel knew – he raised a hand to stop him, his smile becoming caring as he gazed at Sam. "Please. Don't tell me I do not have to do so. To me, I _do_."

Sam paused for a moment, mouth open to say _something_ in argument, but then closed his mouth and let out a breath. He knew there was no changing Castiel's mind. So instead, he smiled warmly, the knowledge that Castiel was truly sorry and cared enough to make it up to Sam washing over him. "Yeah. Okay, Cas," he said with a smile. When Castiel returned the smile and seemed more at ease, Sam turned back to the Ennochian in front of him.

As he worked, he noticed the edges of his vision fading in and out in a vague flickering. It didn't go away when he blinked several times and looked up away from the foreign words blurring on the page in front of him. He pinched the bridge of his nose and blinked several more times but it still didn't fade. When he saw it happening anywhere he looked, he felt the cold fingers of dread dance up and down his spine and chill his blood.

"Cas," he said softly, swallowing reflexively.

"Sam?" Castiel asked, head tilted in confusion and eyes bright with concern when he noticed Sam pinching the bridge of his nose. Dean had said that was one of the warnings if Sam was about to have a grand mal... "Are you alright?"

All Sam could manage was to shake his head and carefully push himself up away from the table. Castiel quickly rose and followed as Sam moved to sit on one of the beds and wriggle into the center to lie down, shifting onto his side and tilting himself forward. He couldn't stop blinking, and could feel the fingers of his left hand twitching and he tried to keep calm. There was nothing he could do to stop it so freaking out just because he hated when it happened wasn't going to help anything.

"Sam?" Castiel asked again.

Sam didn't answer, mouth opening and closing as the rest of his limbs began to twitch. Castiel realized Sam was too out of it to speak and this was happening whether either wanted it to or not. When the brothers had explained what would happen and how he should handle it, the solider in him took the information like orders to be followed without any emotional reaction. Now, watching Sam beginning to twitch and shake harder, head lolling to the side, Castiel felt absolute terror. He didn't know what to do even if they'd _told_ him only twenty minutes ago. All he could do was watch Sam seize, shaking the bed with harsh jerks of his body.

Recovering himself enough to think back, Castiel grabbed Sam's phone from the table and glanced at the time to keep track. Dean had said if it lasts too long he was to call 9-1-1. He could do that if he needed... he hoped.

"Come on, Sam," he pleaded, eyes flicking between the phone in his hand – two minutes in – and Sam on the bed. His arms were tense as they jerked and his fingertips kept catching the edge of his t-shirt, jerking it up each time his arms seized. The muscles of his throat must have been tightening and impeding his breathing as well because Castiel could hear him making ragged gasping sounds. He noticed a slightly darker spot forming on the pillow where Sam was drooling.

When the clock reached four minutes and thirty seconds after, fear had Castiel shifting nervously where he stood and glancing more quickly between Sam and the phone. It hadn't stopped and Dean had said if Sam seizes for five minutes, he needed to take Sam to the hospital. The angel wanted to avoid public places where he didn't have one of them to lie for him. Luckily, he noticed Sam's jerking slowing down, the bed no longer moving hard enough to rattle. Castiel sighed with relief and put the phone aside then knelt beside the bed to be eye level with Sam, one hand raised though he wasn't sure if he should touch him or not. Sam swallowed a few times and blinked slowly. His eyes rolled slightly with the last blink, but he didn't move or react much other than that.

Castiel gently placed his hand on Sam's shoulder but the hunter still didn't respond. "Sam?" he called softly. "Sam, are you with me?"

Sam's eyes fluttered and he produced a long snorting sound before swallowing several times. "D... De..." he mumbled, eyes still refusing to focus on Castiel.

"Sam," Castiel said a bit more firmly to try to gain his attention, beginning to rub his hand soothingly up and down Sam's arm. "Come on, Sam." This time, Sam's eyes flicked to Castiel briefly then away so Castiel decided he should start asking questions. "Sam, can you tell me where you are?"

Sam rolled onto his back but kept his head in Castiel's direction, blinking as he tried to focus on him. "Bed," he mumbled.

"That's good," Castiel praised, smiling in relief. "What's your birthday?"

Sam stared at him for several moments, just blinking so Castiel repeated the question. That time, Sam scrunched his nose in thought before mumbling his response. "May... second." He looked around a bit then tried to push himself to sit up.

"Easy, Sam," Castiel warned as he helped him lean against the pillows.

The motel room door opened and Dean nudged his way in, arms full with fast food bags. His face darkened with concern as he dropped them on the table when he saw Sam leaning against the pillows and looking disoriented and Castiel awkwardly attempting to help. "Seizure?" he guessed.

Castiel nodded. "He is fine now, I think."

"Sam?" Dean asked, moving to stand beside Castiel and leaning down into Sam's line of sight. "You with us, Sammy?"

Sam nodded and lifted a hand to rub his eyes. "M'okay, Dean. M'tired..."

"Yeah, okay. I'll get you a drink of water then you can sleep, okay?" Dean offered. At Sam's nod, he disappeared for a moment to get a water bottle before returning. He cracked it open himself then offered it to Sam. "Careful," he warned.

Sam cautiously took it then sipped a few times before handing it back and scooting to lie down with a tired sigh. He was asleep within minutes.

"He's fine," Dean said for Castiel's benefit as he moved back to rummage through the food bags. Then he stopped and turned to Castiel. "Hey, Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

Dean hesitated for a moment then clapped the angel on the shoulder. "Thanks, man. It means a lot to me that you were here to look after Sammy."

"I will admit, I was frightened at first," Castiel admitted quietly. "Did I do alright?"

Dean nodded with a soft smile. "Yeah, Cas. You took real good care of him. You're a real guardian angel."

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Bleh, I think the ending feels rushed and I'm not too sure how well I like the execution of this particular idea but there it is. I mean, I'm not totally dissatisfied with it. But I know if I'd tried to make it "better", I'd just frustrate myself so... Let me know what y'all think!_


End file.
